The modern world is a world of fast love. Our grandfathers courted the grandmothers for years. Today we fall in love with the lightning speed. One look, one smile, one flirt. And relations have already started. The pair is formed literally in a couple of days - and everything is fine: crazy sex, pleasant pastime, joint fun.
It seems that the whole world lies at their feet. But in two weeks the first quarrels begin, the relationship cracks. You may ask yourself “Did I fall in love too fast?” After three months, being together becomes unbearable, anger is stirring at one look at each other. The modern world is a world of fast love but without a strong relationship. And everyone wants the last.
Problems of falling in love too fast
It's really an exciting feeling when you manage to find someone with whom you really have an involvement. You are worried and dream of all possibilities. You begin to understand what your relationship with this person is, and you just can’t wait until everything starts. But you must be very careful. Although things happen so easily right from the start, it doesn’t mean you have to plunge into relationships too fast. Here are a few reasons why you need to be careful when you fall in love with someone too fast.
1. You turn a blind eye to the bad qualities of this person. You have a tendency to ignore the bad qualities of this person, and when you go deeper into a relationship, you become blinded by them. Before you really fall in love with someone, make sure that you know who this person is.
2. You can lose your selfhood too quickly. Whenever you deeply fall in love with someone and enter into a relationship, there is no denying that you might lose your sense of individuality. You should be able to create space in your life between your partner and yourself.
3. You aren't really acquainted with your partner. You should be able to see all the sides of your partner. You can’t just be content with how they treat you. You should see how your partner acts when you are in a group; how they treat family and unfamiliar people; how they behave when drunk, angry, afraid, sad or confused. These things take time.
4. You can be deceived. Of course, trust is an important part of a relationship, and it should be gained. You may think, "He didn't give me a reason to distrust him", and want to give him a chance. But look at the situation from the other side: trust is something you need to deserve. If he did nothing to make you understand that he is the one who you need, then what kind of trust can we talk about? You rely on words, and it won’t lead to anything good.
Reasons why you fall in love too fast
When love ends, inevitably comes disappointment. You see all his/her shortcomings and most often, looking back, you are searching for the answer to the question: “How could I fall in love with THIS?” And understand that it was too soon to fall in love. It seems that next time everything will be different: your partner will be chosen better, and hence relationships will be stronger. Although you realize that you can fall in love too fast, time passes, the hurt is delayed, you meet a new person and the same story repeats.
Why does it happen?
For some people, it’s an escape from reality. They are big dreamers. Best of all, they feel themselves in a world of their own fantasies. And in relations with other people, they tend to see not a real person, but the image that they drew in their imagination. But as soon as it becomes obvious that the object of their love doesn't correspond to the ideal, they begin to search for a new one. For some other people, it’s a salvation from loneliness. Usually, those who fall in love too fast are the people who have a lack of love, attention and, support from childhood. Acutely feeling their loneliness (often feeling abandoned, helpless) and emptiness, they hope that other person will give them what they need so much – care and love.
So, the answer is plain to see: we fall in love too fast simply at the behest of the heart, but strong relationships never appear by themselves. We need to build it, often through effort.
We treat love as a kind of given. I love and feel my beloved, as something ideally created for me. But life inevitably disappoints, because people always fall in love with their opposites.
Nature is rational and it doesn't throw together the same people: they’ll always be different by their features. No wonder people say that these are two halves of one apple. Some mistakenly believe that it refers the similarity of partners. No, the meaning is different: not similarity but complementation of each other, additive in those features where it's not enough. For example, if a wife is quick and nimble, then a husband is reasonable and calm. He does the job qualitatively, she is very shifty. Separately, each of them has their flaws, and together they are powerful. But to become the power they need to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, we often act exactly the opposite: we see our strengths as a model to emulate, and the weaknesses of the partner only irritate, angry and offend us. What kind of relationship can it be? Only quarrels and curses.
Don’t build illusions that the problem lies solely in the speed of modern love. Anteriorly people fell in love and built strong relationships for life. In fact, we see that earlier there were strong relations and significantly fewer divorces. For the most part, no fate but what we make. After all, we can develop and work on ourselves. Repeating our experience over and over again with new partners, it becomes obvious that somewhere we make a mistake. But where? Here are some tips on how to avoid such problems in the future.
How not to fall in love too fast
1. Stay away from the person
One of the best ways to defeat your feelings is to stay at a safe distance from a certain person. This behavior can also cover various social situations, such as meetings with friends and co-workers. Sometimes you should avoid a person with whom you are studying or working together. Stay away from the temptation to start a conversation, otherwise your feelings can only increase.
2. Distract yourself
One of the easiest ways not to fall in love too fast is to get distracted. You shouldn't let anyone take control of your thoughts, feelings and, desires. Take care of things that give you pleasure and divert attention from the object of your adoration. Every time you feel lonely, just think about things that make you happy.
3. Focus on the aspects of friendship in your relations
Try to put friendship above romance. Perhaps you will be great friends. Think that attempts to build a romantic relationship can hurt feelings and destroy friendships. After this, you can come to the conclusion that it is better to be friends with this person, and not to build a love relationship. You can write down all the times when you were joking and having fun, and then think about whether it is worth risking such friendship for the sake of a potential romantic relationship.
4. Get distracted by hobbies and other activities
Try to devote time to your own interests and needs, so not to think about the person and not to fall in love with them. Get distracted and direct your energy to your favorite hobby or engage in an all-consuming business that won't leave you time to think about romantic feelings. For example, you can devote all your attention to such hobbies as painting, literature, music or singing. Try to do sport or become a member of a club.
5. Prohibit yourself to be too affectionate and gentle
If you want to learn about how to stop falling in love with each new friend, then this advice is one of the most important for you. Try to stop writing cute SMS for the night or call to share a good news. Don't let them become part of yourself.
6. Stop monitoring them
Do not refresh his or her pages on social networks every five minutes to make sure that there is nothing new and interesting. Don’t let yourself become possessed by someone. Have a clear understanding that the more you become attached to a person, the more difficult it will be to break off all ties. Worse, if you continue to pursue him or her, his or her influence on you will grow exponentially.
7. Admit that you are too different to be together
There is a big difference between love and just affection. You can attract a lot of people, but it doesn't mean that you can be close and spend the rest of the days together. If someone is handsome, intelligent or just attractive, it doesn't mean that you must love them.
The choice is yours
This doesn't mean that everything is lost and modern fast love is doomed to failure. Quite the contrary. Just today, there are new life circumstances that we need to adapt to and create strong relationships. A man is created for strong relationships in a couple. And any contemporary adult can build them. You just need to understand where and how to move. It is possible to build very strong relationships for life out of fast and crazy love.