A rapidly developing relationship between a man and a woman is an interesting process that goes through certain stages of evolution. And everything happens differently on a case-by-case basis. For someone, there is no clear framework, and people just go with the flow. Another one adheres to certain principles and tries to avoid jumping into a relationship too fast.
It’s all about rushing into a relationship too fast, the readiness of one of the partners and a strong unwillingness of another one. Every person is an individuality, who has the definite goals in life, some needs, and desires to which they somehow aspire to come and put into practice. In the relationships, men and women manifest themselves in different ways, some people want to build relationships to create a family when for others the main thing is just sexual satisfaction.
Rushing into a relationship too fast: why it happens and how to deal
So, what happens when you jump into a relationship too fast? When you have got into a relationship too fast, you haven’t yet realized what you want from a partner as well as what you want from the relationship. You just haven’t had enough time to understand what happens, you haven’t had time to orient, but something has already begun to happen between you and your partner. This can become a reason for some light panic attacks. If you are experiencing any of these signs, you should know that you have rushed into a relationship too fast.
1. The past relationship of one of you ended a short while ago. It does not matter whose relationship has just ended, but if less than a month has passed between the past and the present relationships, then, most likely, you meet with each other for the wrong reasons. Some of you feel just uncomfortable or do not like being single. Try not to meet with anyone for a while and enjoy solitude. Believe that being single is not so scary.
2. Meeting with family and relatives. Some people are just so excited to introduce their partner to the family. However, best of all, take this step only after several months of dating (or even more), when you will be sure that your relationship is serious enough. There is always a certain stress and a line that must be passed only after a long period of time. So, it's not a good idea to introduce your partner to your parents at the early stages of the relationship.
3. Exchanging passwords, bank account information and house keys. If you have just started dating a partner, then do not do anything from the above list. Do not tell them your confidential information, do not give the apartment keys, passwords and bank account numbers. You should have time to understand if you can trust this person, make sure that they are an honest and good person.
4. Tattoos with each other's names. The idea of making tattoos with each other's names is not the best one, because you can regret it later. Never make a tattoo with the name of a partner, if you haven't been together for at least 10 years. If you have already thought about that, then reflect on it one more time. Well, if you want to do this careless act, you should better make a matching tattoo, it will look more original and intriguing.
5. Dreams about the house and children. Dreaming of your own home and children, do not forget to be realistic and have a sober understanding of the situation. Do not build castles in the air if only a few days or weeks have passed since your first date. If you think about it, then, your relationship will bring you only disappointment, not meeting your expectations.
6. Changing status on Facebook. If you have been dating for two weeks, but everybody on Facebook knows that you are “in a relationship,” it is at least strange. It is even worse if you have uploaded new photos, signing them, “happy together” and use a lot of hashtags with something like, “love,” “couple,” “togetherforever.” If your first date was several weeks ago, but there are many common photos on Instagram, it is high time to ask yourself, “Did I get into a relationship too fast?” The response is positive.
7. Saving money for traveling together. Many couples spend their holidays together being financially independent. However, if you have just started dating, and you are already looking for air tickets on the Internet, then you’re obviously moving too quickly.
8. Borrowing money. In any relationship, money is often the main cause of the quarrel. If you borrow money from your partner, and you are unable to give it back, then this can lead to serious conflicts. Also, if one of you gives money to the other one, then they can feel that in your relationship they are the leader.
9. Making a love confession to each other. What is their full name, how old are they, and what are they interested in are the basic set of necessary knowledge. Nonetheless, do you know what their favorite color is? What are your plans for life? Do you have the same worldviews? Why did they end their past relationship? Okay, the fact that they know what party your mother voted for is a strong argument, but do not rush to consider your relationship to be ideal and serious. Any relationship should be checked by time, and true love does not come out of anywhere.
10. Trusting without a reason. Of course, trust is an integral part of the relationship, but only if you did not meet your “soulmate” yesterday. You can think, "They did not give me a reason to distrust them, so why should I be paranoid?" and want to give them a chance, but look at the situation from the other side: trust is something that everyone needs to deserve. If they did nothing to make you understand, "Yes, they are the one and only, they will always be there," then what kind of trust can you talk about? You base your trust on words, and it will not lead to anything good, getting too comfortable in a relationship too fast.
Rush into a relationship too fast: red flags
You argue for any reason. On the one hand, you are ideally suited to each other, want to live together all your life, have children and grow old somewhere under a maple tree, but on the other hand, you hate when your partner eats with their mouth open, wears some weird clothes, does not understand math, and is surely not interested in e-sports, and besides, they voted for the other party in the elections. All the surrounding people are sure that you do not really belong together. It's clear to everyone who has two eyes, but you don’t want to see this red flag.
Your friends have lost their mind. In the sense that you tell them every day how wonderful and unique your partner is, and they respond to you, "You are mad or blind! Wait, are you seriously dating?" If the situation is familiar, then do not rush to consider all friends to be envious people, it is likely that they are right, and, in this situation, there are two advantages: a) you have caring friends, b) you rush into a relationship too fast, and they want you to notice that.
Your partner tries to control you. Everyone prefers their own comfortable pace of development when it comes to the relationships. Remember that if something seems too good to be true, then, probably, your intuition serves you well. Also, you should pay attention to whether a new partner tries to control you and to check where and with whom you are spending your free time. This is a red flag for the future healthy relationship.
When to start a relationship: a seven-step checklist
So, you don’t know when to start a relationship, but you think about it more often than usual. You might even have a worthy candidate for the role of a "partner." However, do not rush into a relationship too fast, escaping from loneliness. If you have already conducted research on the topic, "Are they the perfect partner?", pay attention to yourself. There is a seven-step checklist that will help you understand when to start a serious relationship and let someone into your life.
1. When you have self-esteem. To know your self-worth in terms of the relationships means not to agree to less than you deserve and not to look for someone who will "complement" or "improve" you. Having serious problems with self-esteem, you can hardly build a normal, healthy relationship.
2. When you have a realistic vision for the relationship. When should you start having sex in a new relationship? The optimal option is in several weeks or so, however, everything depends on your own desire and specific situation. Anyway, you should understand that in a year or two, you will not have the same passionate sex as in the first couple of months of the relationship, and that's okay. Never really works out "like in a movie."
3. When you have money. This is the fact that any relationship will require certain financial injections. At each stage of the relationship, you will need some kind of financial participation: at first, this participation will be measured by the cost of dinner in a restaurant or movie tickets, later, by your role in the family budget.
4. When you forget about the ex. When you start a new relationship, make sure that the relationship with your ex is really over. Everything is completely over without any "but." Otherwise, you will not have a healthy relationship.
5. When you want. When does a relationship start? When you need it. To start a new relationship because you are already twenty-five and "it's time to settle down" is a very weird approach. Not a single normal relationship was built on the foundation of, "Mom said that it’s time." If you do not feel the need for it, you should not try to start. Learn to be a good companion for yourself, and only then start.
6. When you are ready to compromise. Your willingness to compromise means your interest in a person as well as in the venture called a "relationship." Sometimes, people make surprises, sometimes, they can be even pleasant. Do not hurry to put labels on others. There is no more miserable sight than a person whose a once clear mind is covered with a thick crust of "established opinions", clichés, dogmas.
7. When you have time. It's true that any relationship needs time. If a career is in the first place for you now, then you might not start the relationship.
Slow and steady wins the race
Too often, many lonely people succumb to a momentary impulse and move on to the next stage of the relationships much faster than they should. Numerous studies have shown that those couples who have met before the wedding for at least two years are much more likely to be happy in future relationships.
However, the slow development of love relationships can be difficult. Physical attraction and passion force many couples to have sex before they are emotionally ready for it. However, it is better to be single than unhappy in love. If you seek a long-term healthy relationship, then you need to do everything slowly.