The social fabric in the process of development and evolution experienced a transition from matriarchy and patriarchy and vice versa. At one time, it was believed that a man is a personality in its true sense, and a woman is just an attachment to her man, and a man provides her with a roof over her head and safety. At other times, a woman was considered a higher being, and men were intended only to indulge their desires. However, in recent centuries, man and woman are considered equal partners, both in life and in public matters.
Nevertheless, this achieved balance has been bugging some representatives of one and another sex. The feminist movement that was popular in the last century tried to shift this balance in one direction, and men made also many attempts to take the whole cover. It's about the state and society. Talking about the relationship, the compatibility of men and women is confirmed by the fact that there are both dominant men and submissive women, and vice versa. And the strongest couples are formed precisely when dominant and submissive partners start a relationship.
Dominant partners – who they actually are.
Traditionally, domination-subordination is discussed as immaturity of feelings, an attempt to gain unity, a struggle for power, the leadership nature of dominance, acceptance/ avoidance of liability, the manifestation of personal characteristics. In empirical terms, the study of the correlation of dominance, affiliation, and psychological intimacy shows that psychological affinity is usually negatively correlated with the relation of dominance-subordination. The greater the power of one person over another one is, the less is a psychological affinity between them since power is coercion. However, domination has also positive aspects associated with taking responsibility for the actions of another person. The dominant partner in relationships is responsible for the success, for maintaining a normal relationship, for ensuring the safety of the partner, and achieving mutual goals, determining the prospects for the life and development of the relationship.
Researchers point out that the most stable is the family, in which the subject of responsibility and power is the same person. There are communication barriers in families where the problem of the distribution of power is not solved. Any interaction is subject to some system, and in the context of friendly or love relationships, it is possible to identify a dominant and a submissive partner. Talking about dominant partner definition, it is possible to say that this is a person who establishes rules and gives direction. Ideally, this is a person whose authority is based on logic and common sense. Usually, a man is such a person.
How does dominant relationship differ to the traditional ‘vanilla’ relationship?
In dominant relationships, the main role in the family is assigned to the spouse, who boldly takes responsibility for the entire family and usually makes important decisions concerning him and his loved ones without consulting with the spouse.
In the traditional model of relationship, spouses are usually equal and divide both rights and obligations in half. Ideally, they have common interests and always reckon with the opinion of the partner. In such a family, spouses often have approximately the same status and income, which does not give one of them a reason to consider themselves better and more successful than a partner. The couple makes important decisions only in consultation with each other, and all the household duties are distributed equally.
Stereotypes about dominant relationships
Nowadays, most people believe that women have such qualities as sensitivity, tenderness, carefulness, tolerance, modesty, pliability, gullibility, etc. Girls are taught to be obedient, sensitive, and responsive. Braveness, perseverance, reliability, responsibility, etc. are considered to be real masculine qualities. Therefore, boys are taught to persevere, be self-confident, and independent.
According to a common misconception, men play the role of an experienced and leading partner in a romantic relationship, and women are always passive and submissive. He is the breadwinner and the head of the family, she is the preserver of the hearth. In this case, both must be content with their role, because naturally, women and men get satisfaction from different things.
"Male happiness" is defined by the consistency of a man – financial, career, and physical. According to the stereotype, a woman should create comfort in the house, and a man – dominate and be a leader.
Why do people sometimes prefer dominant relationships?
The willingness to dominate in a romantic relationship is inherent in most men. It is the desire to rule and be the head of the family. The very nature of men and their ego implies the need for dominance. An ordinary man feels the taste of happiness, if he has someone to take care of, can patronize and be responsible for his loved ones. Therefore, a certain position of an independent and supervisory person is natural for men.
However, many women prefer dominant relationships because such a pattern of behavior is imposed by matriarchal tendencies. Also, this is due to the fact that a woman wants to find a strong man and drop out the weak ones.
Several main traits of a dominant partner
A person who can be called dominant has a certain behavior pattern that helps them have control over their feelings and the partner as well.
A person values themselves. In terms of the system of relationship, a dominant partner is always more significant. The one who psychologically values themselves more feels themselves above the partner. It’s about innermost feelings. The fact is that a man who values himself more is always ready to break up and build another relationship if necessary. Such a person is always more selfish. A submissive partner, on the contrary, always values the relationship more than their own interests, they are more eager for reconciliation because they are more afraid to lose.
A person is less emotional. Why is the dominant role more suitable for a man? A man by his nature is more rational and emotionally restrained, unlike a woman who is guided by emotions. If a person throws a tantrum, is jealous, and can start crying at any moment, taking offense at any trifle, these are the main signs of a submissive partner.
A person is more self-sufficient. There are two people, and for one of them love is only a part of life, and for another one, it is the concentration of all senses. Who of them will be dominant? Of course, the person who knows how to take pleasure from different parts of life, for example, work, hobbies, sports, creativity. A person who cannot live the full life without love turns into a slave, becomes dependent on the partner and their decisions, losing the right to make decisions. Internal self-sufficiency makes you free and strong. Dependence narrows the terms of reference, makes one suffer and make sacrifices for the sake of the only source of happiness.
A person has the higher social status. At the first stage, people are guided by the stereotypes, which means that by default they give the reins of power to those who are older, stronger, prettier, more experienced or richer than they are. This happens because people have been taught to respect the elders, to reckon with the bosses and to look at the celebrities with adoration since childhood. The society inspired them the idea that such people are more important than they are. It really works until they prove the opposite.
A person likes to judge. When you judge someone, you are always higher psychologically. Who does have the right to judge? Parents, boss, etc. People who are above you on the society tree. The one who is judged, usually, tries to meet the assessment, trying to please. This person becomes automatically dependent on it. Note that this works both in the positive and negative ways, for example, when you praise a girl and when you criticize her. You are a dominant person in both cases.
Does there have to be a dominant partner?
A real relationship is always a war in the mountains. The main thing is to occupy the dominating peaks and to suppress the enemy with fire. In relationships, someone always dominates, and someone follows the dominant partner. If you are a man who has managed to become dominant over a woman, then she is yours.
If both partners are selfish and self-sufficient, and they will value themselves and their desires above the relationship and above their partner, then such relationship will be over very soon. One partner should love a little more, and the second one should allow to love themselves.
When you are the dominant partner
A dominant partner is not only who set the rules and have the biggest say, a dominant partner has many areas of responsibility and should possess necessary qualities. So, how to be a dominant partner? If you want to become or enhance your position as a dominant partner, you should develop the following qualities.
Self-confidence. This is a necessary quality of any person with dominant abilities, which helps do instead of this deadly sitting around. Thanks to this feature, the man makes decisions, gives directions, and gets acquainted. He knows his own value, and therefore can sensibly evaluate his potential and opportunities. Build your self-esteem, go in for sports, study and broaden your horizons. You should be self-confident despite, and not thanks to some circumstances. You should believe in yourself, despite small failures that could shake this faith.
Responsibility. It is one of the main features of a dominant character, which contributes to the formation and improvement of necessary qualities. Of course, a submissive can also be a responsible person, but for the dominant, this is one of the most important qualities that affect their life position.
Purposefulness. It is not less important character traits, allowing to determine managerial qualities. Such a man always knows what he wants, regardless of the sphere of life, including intimate relationship, entertainment, and secret desires.
Perseverance. If a man sets a goal, for example, to start a relationship with a pretty girl, and then seeks excuses not to fulfill the plan, this is clearly not your option. A true dominant will work hard enough to get what he wants, for whatever that's worth. Only in this way, he will show the strength of his character and his assertiveness in achieving what he has conceived.
Reliability. Ability to keep a promise against the odds and to hold true to his word is the most valuable human qualities that any girl will appreciate. No matter how trite it may sound, but any woman wants to feel safe in a relationship and be sure of her partner, especially if he pretends to be a dominant one. If she corrects his mistakes or reminds him of the observance of the promises, then a man should learn how to be a good dominant partner.
Initiative. This feature is closely related to the responsibility because taking initiative the dominant partner takes full responsibility for this act, in comparison with a submissive man, who is waiting for someone to come and tell him in what direction he should move.
Awareness. Usually, a dominant partner wants to maintain his position everywhere, including the intimate sphere of life. How to be a dominant sex partner? You should be well aware of the women's physiology, understand all the processes and know how to get and bring pleasure. A dominant partner should know where it is a line between pleasure and pain.
When your partner is dominant
Some people don’t tend to be a dominant partner, feeling uncomfortable in that role. They don’t want to be responsible for both taking important decisions and dealing with secondary questions. Submissive partners want to love and make their dominant partners happy, passing on the reins off. If you are one of such people who is looking for a dominant partner, then you should know several key points.
Don’t show you're self-sufficient. You should know how to cook well and forget about your excessive independence from the relationship. Your partner should become the center of your world. If you want to be a submissive one, try to satisfy women's whims and depend on her in tackling the issues.
Be a good guy. Good guys try to please everyone and to be good for everyone at the same time, especially for a beloved one. You should agree on everything with the girl all of the time and forget about just your opinion because only a dominant partner has the right to have the final say. How to please your dominant partner? Invest efforts, emotions, love, and money in your relationship. The more you will invest, the more you will depend on the relationship and partner. Be able to agree on everything, indulging her completely. When she makes decisions, you lose your "dominance" in the relationship, and you will feel that she begins to behave more and more boldly towards you, being a dominant partner.
Register on a dating site. If you don’t know where to find a dominant partner, look for your future beloved partner on dating sites. It is one of the best and easiest ways to meet a necessary person. Not all men want to be a dominant partner, not all women want to be a submissive one. Don’t be afraid to be different from the crowd.
How to understand who is dominant in relationships
1. Submissive is a person who invests more in the relationship. This refers to money, attention, emotions, and gifts. If you do for your partner more than he does for you, you can no longer claim the position of dominance.
2. It is a person who has higher social status and better position in society. It so happened that the one who is on a higher social step dominates those who are located below.
3. Dominates one who is a more self-sufficient person. It means that in addition to the relationship that you have, there are a lot of interesting things in your life. And if you lose the relationship, the world will not stop for you.
4. Often dominates a person who is involved in a relationship less emotionally.
5. Dominates one who appreciates himself more than a partner and is ready to end the relationship at any moment. He clearly maintains his position. Accordingly, another person starts to value himself less and becomes submissive.
Pros and cons of being a dominant partner
When a man dominates
The advantage of such relationships is that a woman feels her husband as safe as houses and does not need to deal with various everyday difficulties and problems on her own. Such a husband often not only has a strong and decisive character but also earns good money. The main disadvantage of such relationships is the complete dependence of a woman on her husband, which sometimes can take the most extreme forms and threatens the woman with the complete loss of herself as a person. In addition, if a man suddenly decides to divorce, then a woman, unaccustomed to the struggle for existence, may feel unhappy and helpless and not be able to live a full-fledged life, especially if the children stay with her, and the former husband reduces welfare assistance to a minimum.
When a woman dominates
Such relationships are usually formed in a family where a woman, firstly, earns significantly more than a man, and secondly, has a stronger character and is not afraid to take on traditionally male duties. A man can be satisfied with such a relationship if he is not eager for leadership and, especially, if he had a similar example of parents. The disadvantage of such a relationship may be the possibility of a sudden attraction of the woman to a stronger man, compared with whom, an eternally submissive and quiet spouse may seem boring and uninteresting to her. Although a strong and domineering woman is unlikely to be able to coexist peacefully with an equally strong and domineering man, so, most often, such women rarely leave their comfortable and cozy spouse even starting extradyadic relationships.
How to become the dominant partner in a relationship
What should do a man who wants to be dominant in a relationship? First, he should show respect for the woman as an individual. And then follow some rules:
- if you pledge word, always make good on the promise;
- be strong in any case. Be ready to act quickly and decisively;
- when making a decision that relates to a woman, take her opinion into account. Find a compromise on the basis of her wishes and your private opinion;
- be responsible for your words, actions, and outcome of actions;
- if a failure occurs, find an immediate solution to the problem;
- you should be able to protect, give happiness, and provide for the family.
For women who want to dominate, we can advise the following:
- ensure the maximum independence from your partner: get a good education, find a prestigious high-paying job, meet with interesting people;
- find an area in which you can prove your superiority over a man: work, hobby, sport, art, parenting, or housekeeping;
- change the attitude to the man, reduce the degree of adoration. Love for a man does not prevent you from understanding that he is not the only one in the wide world;
- love yourself - respect yourself as a person, appreciate your virtues and abilities. Do not offer your love humbly, but give it with the dignity of a queen.
A danger of dominant relationships
In an ordinary relationship, each partner himself is responsible for his condition and satisfaction of his needs, not trying to take on more or shift responsibility to another.
In a dominant relationship, responsibility is confused. We want someone to take responsibility for our safety, material well-being, and happiness. Thus, we lose independence and determination.
In dominant relationships, there is always polarization. People take on parent-child roles - one of the partners takes the role of a defenseless and weak child, the second becomes a strong and caring adult. In such conditions, the adult turns into the aggressor, and the child becomes a victim. It can lead to physical and psychological abuse.
Inability to express feelings
In a dominant relationship, emotions are often suppressed. Honest talk about your feelings and experiences is perceived as impossible. As a result, partners systematically suppress their strong feelings. Therefore, there are uncontrolled emotional outpourings – quarrels, scandals, episodes of violence, etc.
How dominant relationships can affect your marriage and life
Due to the fact that a dominant person appreciates and loves himself, he can easily give up on you. His interests are above relationships, he has no fear of losing you. A submissive person is ready to move heaven and earth for the sake of his soul mate and does everything possible so that his loved one has no reason to break up the relationship. If a man always makes concessions and agrees with his girlfriend in everything, then he involuntarily gives her an opportunity to be dominant. Some will only be excited because now they have the upper hand and do not have to adapt to anyone. Others may be upset that a man is manageable as not all girls need power.
The more a man humiliates, the less a woman respects him. In the end, she has nothing left but disgust for him. It's hard to carry your favorite suitcase without handles, but it's a pity to throw it away. If your partner initially does not want such a relationship, you should not take responsibility for the life of another person. Otherwise, you may not be ready to bear this burden to the end of your life.