Love is a wonderful feeling capable of turning our lives upside down. But it has one huge downfall: the stronger the feelings, the harder they hit you if you break up. When someone disappears from your life forever, the world seems to have collapsed: the pain is so overwhelming that you can’t find the strength to carry on.
Having once experienced a tough breakup with a person who seemed to be that special someone, we distance ourselves from romantic relationships, becoming too suspicious and alert. And if we have to go through this several times, it becomes extremely difficult to force ourselves to open up to new feelings. Some people are afraid to let someone into their lives again and prefer to stay away from even bigger disappointments the next relationship may bring. But it doesn’t have to be like that. With a few tips and a bit of patience, you’ll figure out how to start dating again after a hard breakup safely.
When to start dating again
Relationships end in different ways: because of cheating or without even the slightest hint on it, by agreement or at someone’s initiative, with confusion or, conversely, easily and freely. No matter how it happens, should you take a pause to relax and sort out your feelings, or is it better to get back to dating right away? It’s difficult to tell when to start dating again precisely. The first and most important criterion is your feelings. Even though a breakup can be painful, you need to live through it – it’s the only way to make the right conclusions and avoid making mistakes in the future. This means that you mustn’t ignore the pain, resentment, and aggression that the ex-partner and their behavior can cause in you. An important step towards letting the previous relationship go is to exhaust the flow of negative feelings for your ex.
The main thing is to start dating again not because of loneliness or to make your ex jealous but because of the desire to share warm feelings with others.
A relationship can be considered ended when the pain and anger fade away. Dating brings much more pleasure when both companions are completely aware of why they go on a date and not just try to fill the void left from a breakup.
So, when to start dating after a breakup? Ideally, when you’ve had your feelings figured out, when you think you’re ready to go out there, and when you’re sure there’s no negativity left. After that, feel free to call up some of your friends and tell them you’re finally ready to conquer hearts once again. For starters, it’s better not to ask phone numbers and all that; just be social, have a few chats, and get used being surrounded by people. It’s all about taking baby steps, especially if the breakup was tough.
How soon is too soon to start dating after a breakup?
Waiting for a couple of weeks wouldn’t hurt. In fact, you’d better do that. Give your brain some time to process everything you’ve been through. In the meantime, get closer with your friends. You probably haven’t had much time to hang out with them while you were busy sorting things out with your ex-partner.
Why you shouldn’t start dating right away
There are a lot of other reasons why jumping into a new relationship immediately after the last one ends isn’t a bright idea. Actually, this is a big mistake, although sometimes this option seems quite tempting, and here’s why.
- You need time to recover. This is kind of important. How soon is too soon to start dating after a breakup? Your emotional and psychological state should recover, and the wound deep inside should heal. It takes time and make sure you spend a good portion of it alone.
- You might just repeat the same mistakes you made. You should think about why your relationship didn’t work and what you now would like to see in your potential partner and what kind of relationship you want to build with them now. Otherwise, your new dating experience will be the same as the old one.
If you think it would be better to find someone right after you broke up, you should give this idea a second thought. You probably still have a lot to get over. You simply wouldn’t be able to give our new partner the attention they deserve. Sooner or later they’ll realize that you just use them to ease the pain from a breakup, and that’s exactly what you’re trying to do. When the gap between a breakup and a new date is too small, you’ll find yourself comparing your new partner to the old one. So instead, you should give yourself time to cool down to see your new companion with a clearer sight. That’s why you should never rush things when getting over a long term relationship.
How to start dating again after a long relationship
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, there’s a chance that your romantic mood could fade with time, and you might need to brush up your flirting skills. Here are a few tips on how to start dating again after a long relationship.
- Don’t rush things
Before you make your fabulous comeback to the dating scene, you must make sure that you’re close to full recovery or that you successfully got over your last relationship. No use going on dates if you think that all your potential matches are jerks. The first person you ask out might even be that special someone, and you risk scaring them off with your attitude. How long to wait before dating again, then? If you still have a burden from the previous relationship, do yourself a favor and get rid of it first.
- Work on your flirting skills
When you were in a relationship, it may have been so good that you even forgot how to flirt with strangers. Rebuild that skill. Start caring about how you look and don’t wear sweatpants just because they feel comfy. Be proud of yourself. Get a gym membership and do something new with your hair. Then again turn yourself into a flirting guru. If you meet someone who you like – flirt with them. Be confident in yourself. Strike up conversations with random people in bars; ask that pretty girl’s or guy’s phone number; wink at someone at a friendly party. It’ll work!
- Have fun
You probably won’t be able to catch someone’s eye right after a breakup, especially if you begin dating again after an abusive relationship, so you need to rest for a bit. Don’t start asking people out in the hope that you’ll immediately start building a new relationship. This won’t work. Dating is an entertaining social activity between people without any obligations, so why take on such responsibility just a few days after you got rid of it?
- Make up a list
If you’re really ready to get back to dating, make a list of what you’d like to see in your future companions. Make sure they’ll be able to meet the requirements from that list. Of course, during a date, you shouldn’t study your partner like some rare plant species. Remember that you do this for the sake of fun. Just keep this list in mind and think about whether you’d like to see this person once more or not.
- Work on mistakes
Some people are scared to go on dates after a breakup because of the fear of failure. It’s OK: you feel broken, and a few more crappy dates can completely wear you out. But try to perceive any negative as part of self-improvement. Don’t blame yourself for your failures – take a look at how you react to them. When you learn to take failures calmly and accept that some folks may just not like you, it’ll be much easier to start dating again.
- How to start dating again after a divorce
Divorce is not the end of the world. It’s rather the beginning of a new life. Why should you cry in the corner, feeling sorry for yourself when you can start anew, become stronger and wiser, and show your ex-spouse how dumb they were to allow your relationship to fall apart? These tips will help you figure out how to start dating again after a divorce.
- Never compare
When you begin dating again, one of the hardest things is not to compare every companion to your ex. The problem is that you still feel nostalgic, so your new date won’t have any chances against your one and only.
Learn to block these thoughts. Not for the sake of new relationships or dates but in order not to plunge into the illusion of your carefree past. There was a reason for you to break up, and remembering only the bright moments is a profitable strategy but not on a date. Better try to find the virtues in your new companions, even if it seems difficult at first. Take it as some sort of a game.
- Don’t make plans
It would be ideal to meet that special someone right after the divorce. Your happiness will surely wait for you, but don’t make relationship-building your ultimate goal when you start dating. Allow yourself to feel free, flirt, and make a few mistakes.
- Socialize
Stop perceiving yourself as a lonely loser who strives for new dates to boost self-esteem. Take dating as a training game. Even the most skillful seducers work on their communication skills through practice. It's time to learn how to chat and charm. Practice different smiles, different laughter, and different outfits, perfecting yourself. When the right person appears on the horizon, they won’t be able to pass by such a charming seducer like you.
- Don’t elaborate
There’s no need to tell your detailed biography on the first date. Your new companion will eventually learn everything, but for now, try to stay away from this topic and give simple answers if they ask you. Also, don’t ask too much about your date’s past. You don’t know what skeletons they hide in their closet, so for the time being, it’s better not to stir up the past and scare your potential partner off.
- Don’t tell the kids
If a few dates will grow into something serious, they’ll find out. In the meantime, don’t fill your kids’ heads with different names and details and, of course, never introduce your companions to them. Chances are they haven’t yet recovered from the divorce.
When should a widower start dating again?
It may seem impossible to cope with the loss of a loved one and move on, but life is too short to spend a good portion of it dwelling on the past. Wouldn’t your spouse want you to be happy?
The majority of those who lost their partners believe that if they start going on dates again, they’ll betray their late loved ones. The sooner you reconsider these thoughts, the less damage you’ll do to your emotional state. We can’t live without love. There’s no disloyalty in seeking it after your spouse is gone. Discovering this simple fact is the only way to make widowers and widows start dating again.
The truth is, you can start dating whenever you like. If you want to hit the local bars with someone, just do it. If you have some doubts regarding whether to do it or not, you’re ready to try.
Sum up
So, how long to get over a breakup and start dating again? That depends. Some can torture themselves for years, while others need a couple of weeks to move on. The first case is a total bummer, though. Give yourself a week or two to whine and suffer, and then start thinking about hanging out with new people. Feel free to begin asking them out a month or two after your ex is gone. And try to have some fun – you deserved it.
