Your best friend's girlfriend captured your attention a long time ago, and always seemed, if not ideal, then, at least, very cool. And so they parted, and you suddenly begin to spend more time with her, because during their relationship, you were friends, so why can't you spend time together now? You unexpectedly understand that she is very cool and pleasant to you, and it looks like you have a lot in common. But most importantly: it seems like she falls in love with you too. Now, you feel that her relationships with your best friend were a mistake, and she has to be with you. This makes this situation even more awkward. It is up to you to decide whether you want to start dating your best friend's ex or not.
Starting a relationship with a friend's ex-girlfriend is an ambiguous undertaking, which is filled with numerous pitfalls. There are many different opinions on this subject in our society, and people still are not able to find common ground. Thus, you can expect different reactions from your friends. Some of them may support you, while others may be against this relationship, or your life may turn into hell. You need to be prepared for the difficulties that may arise in such relationships. The whole situation may turn in a way that you will have to decide whether you want to have romantic relationships or save your friendship. This is why it is so important to think about it carefully.
When It Is Unacceptable to Date a Friend's Ex
Frankly speaking, in most situations, it is better to use some dating app and meet a girl now instead of dating your friend's ex. You must understand that this girl and your best friend have a history together, and there is no guarantee that this history won’t affect your relationship with her or friendship with him. It is very hard to be a good boyfriend and a good friend if your new girlfriend, not that long ago, was dating your best friend. If you still want to dive into dating a friend's ex, then you definitely should read our list of situations when you should avoid dating your best friend's ex. You may also try to hide your relations from him, so your friends may last longer, but this is surely not the best option. It is a plausible one, sure, but only if there is no other choice.
He hasn’t overcome a breakup yet
Do you know what is the worst thing a good friend can do to make his or her best friend, who still hasn’t overcome a breakup, suffer? You should start dating his ex-girlfriend. Thus, you will hit him harder than anyone else could. Of course, this will mean the end of your friendship, once and for all. So, if you see that your friend is still suffering from their breakup, you should never even think about dating his ex-girlfriend. Ask yourself, “What would I do if learn that my best friend is dating my ex?” Then multiply your reaction by thousand, and you will know how he would feel in this case.
You are very close friends
Often, when one of two very close friends begin to date someone, it means the end for their close friendship. No, of course, they will be good friends, but they won’t be able to spend as much time together because our romantic partners take a lot of our time. In the worst case, your close friend may even be jealous, because you started paying too much attention to your girlfriend instead of spending time with him. Imagine his reaction when he finds out that instead of spending time with him, you are spending time with his ex-girlfriend. If you don’t like the picture that appeared in your head, then you should not date her.
He did not give permission
Yes, asking for permission to do something in your romantic life doesn’t seem right since you two are free people, and you can date whoever you want, but this is not the case. If you praise your friendship with him. Yes, you can date his ex-girlfriend without asking for his permission, but this will mean the end of your friendship. To reveal him this fact as gentle as possible, you should ask him for permission to date her and only when you know for sure that he doesn’t want to try to win her heart back. In this case, your desire to date his ex will seem like a betrayal to him.
Their breakup was very painful and dramatic
If you are very close friends, then you will definitely know if their breakup was very painful and dramatic. In this case, you should completely forget about dating her at all, if you want to save your friendship with him. You see, often good friends, even when they find girlfriends, continue to spend time together, but as couples. As you may have guessed, if their breakup was very painful and dramatic, then they never agree to see each other again. Besides, you can never know how your friend will react when you tell him that you want to date his ex.
Before You Start Dating a Friend's Ex: Things to Think About
Apart from things that we have already mentioned, when you should never start dating your friend’s ex, there are other matters that you need to understand and do to make sure that dating best friend's ex won’t end up as a disaster, and you will manage to save your friendship. Remember, before taking any actions, you should ask yourself, "What if my friend decided to date my ex-girlfriend?" and "How would I feel about this fact?" If it was about your friend, how would you feel if he decided to date your ex? Are you sure that you want to put your friendship at risk by having romantic relationships with your friend’s ex-girlfriend??
You should discuss it with your friend
This is the first thing that you need to do when you decide to date your best friend's ex. By discussing this matter with your friend first, you show him that he is much more important for you than her and that you value his opinion. This not only gives you an excuse for dating her, because you asked his opinion and he wasn’t against it, but it is a great way to save your friendship. You also need to decide what is more important for you, your romantic relationship or friendship. The Gentlemen code says that you must never date your best friend’s ex since she is not your dating material due to their past relationship.
You may know too much about their relationships
There is nothing good if you know too much about their relationships. For example, you may know some awkward facts that young couples usually try to hide. In this case, the worst thing is that you may learn some facts about him from her, and those facts may destroy your friendship. Generally, in this case, the less you know, the better your life will be. Therefore, sometimes it is very hard to look in the eyes if you know more than you should about them.
You may lose your friend
This is the most obvious consequence of dating your friend's ex-girlfriend. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do to save your friendship. You may follow all every single piece of advice and can be the best friend ever, but still, your friendship will be over, and rather sooner than later. This may happen because you don’t know the full truth of their relationships, and the real reasons for their breakup may remain hidden. Thus, it will seem to you that they are getting along with each other in their new roles, while in real life, there will be problems not only between them but also between you and your friend.
You may lose both friend and girlfriend
In the worst case, you may lose both a friend and a girlfriend. This is another fact why you should avoid dating your friend’s ex-girlfriend. He will believe that you are too selfish to care about his feelings. Thus, you can’ be a good friend. While she will think that you are the worst option for dating because you can’t even fix the situation with your friend. There can be plenty of reasons why you may find yourself alone in the end.
Tips for Dating Your Best Friend's Ex
Now, when you know all the possible consequences, you can finally decide whether you want to date your friend’s ex or not. Of course, we wouldn’t recommend you doing this. Especially if they broke up not that long ago. But you wouldn’t search and read this article if you didn’t want to take a risk and try to date your friend’s ex-girlfriend. So, before you start making the first steps, you need to know a couple of rules on how to do this most efficiently.
1. Stop desperately positioning you as a couple
First thing first. You must pay very close attention to this rule, especially if you still share the same company. Don’t start positioning yourself as a couple, yes, you can come to meetings with your friends and take her with you, and you can do many different things together. But for the beginning, you should completely forget about publicly kissing and even hugging each other at least for the first few months. You also should limit your public appearance as a couple, because people are very good at spreading rumors, and your friend will know that you are dating his ex very soon. So, it has to be you who will tell your best friend that you are dating his ex.
2. Don’t complain and don’t seek his advice about her
In a way, this is very insulting. Remember, if you decided to date your friend’s ex-girlfriend, and you want to remain friends with him, you should forget about telling him about your life or asking him to advise you. You must keep your romantic relationship with her separate from your friendship with him. Thus, if you have problems with her, you should solve them yourself. And, if you decide to complain to him about your problems, then, first of all, this will be very painful for him, and secondly, he will simply tell you that you knew what you would have.
3. Don’t talk about sex
Of course, you can discuss your sexual life with him, but only if you both are perverts. In every other case, this is the fastest and easiest way to ruin your friendship. Besides, what if you will find out that he is a better lover than you? This is pure speculation. Remember, real gentlemen don’t discuss their sex lives even with their partners. This topic is very awkward and can be very offensive to a girl. Of course, people in one way or another discuss their sexual life, but in your situation, it is definitely better to omit this topic.
4. Don’t compare
If you decided to date your best friend’s ex-girlfriend, then you should forget about asking her whether you are better, smarter, more handsome than him. You should never do this. Especially if you are planning to play golf with him tomorrow. No matter what her answers will be, the situation will feel weird in any case. Also, you should know that by comparing yourself to anyone else, you will never be able to feel better, since basing your self-confidence on other’s faults is not the best way to make yourself feel good. Thus, forget about comparing people at all. And if she decides to bring this topic, you must tell her that you don’t want to discuss it.
5. Don't be paranoid
You should never date anyone if you believe or know that they still have feelings for someone else since your relationships with those people will never be sincere and open. Thus, if you decided to date your friend’s ex, then you must know for sure that their feelings are long gone. This way, you will avoid jealousness and won’t be paranoid about your girlfriend relations with your best friend. Remember, she is with you because you are awesome, and not because you are just a way to hide her relationships with your best friend. Of course, this can only be applied if there are no actual reasons for you to suspect her in real treason.
So, is it okay to date your friend's ex-girlfriend? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It is hard to say exactly. But there is a golden rule on how you can understand whether it is okay for you to date your best friend’s ex-girlfriend or not. Learn the main reason why they broke up and how they both feel about it. Then you should ask yourself, “What do I get from dating my friend's ex? Am I doing this just because she is hot, or because I love her with all my heart? What am I going to do if my best friend feels bad because of it?” If you have all this information and direct answers to those questions, then you can try to date your best friend’s girlfriend. In other cases, it is better to search for someone else.