It is believed that if you romantic partners fight – their relationship is healthy, wealthy and happy. All loving couples tend to have arguments now and then. Not us, you say? Well, you’d better give it more time! Chances are particular (serious or not) disagreements will pop up all of a sudden. Most likely you and your partner are still in the middle of that “dating” period, when both partners know really little about their mates enough to hash all out one day.
Another variant is when partners are diligently avoiding every potential conflict situation, constantly living in fear that even the minor argument might mean something is wrong with their relationship. Other couples have developed a strong obsession over the drag-out fights they aren’t able to resolve once and for all and so they’ve got used to sidestep them.
What’s more, lots of lovers assume that they simply fail to tie up the loose ends in a matter of minutes just like those families in TV dramas. Well, if you have not reached consensus after an hour of intense arguing, that doesn’t mean your relationship is in grave danger. Arguments usually originate in gray areas. Oftentimes, great conflicts start like a snowball – everyday issues and minor misunderstandings roll into one huge problem that eventually covers you like an avalanche. Yet, for those asking is it normal to argue in a relationship, the experts claim that all those heated arguments might actually be a solid sign your partnership is actually on the right track. So before we find out is it ok to argue in a relationship, let’s firstly review some of the common reasons most romantic partners step up on the battlefield with each other.
Why couples argue: common reasons
Is it healthy to argue in a relationship every day? Because some couples appear to be practicing arguing on a daily basis simply to keep their romance intense and literally “on the edge.” You don’t? Well, in one way or another, you sometimes even need to put up a decent fight in order to let go of the steam accumulated inside your relationship. The truth is, real partners are supposed to have disagreements. Often these disagreements don’t even make it to the argument stage – still you both have to settle down and discuss the issue. So how often should you argue in a relationship? First of all, it depends on the way you usually deal with the issues inside your union – either it’s a full-size fight or rather a peaceful discussion. But no doubt, conversations in raised voices are known to greatly ease the tension between lovers. You know what? Most people keep fighting over the same old things. Just over and over again! And there go those things:
1. Sexual life
This one is by far the most widely-discussed (and fought over) problem that is sometimes left completely unexpressed. The point is that both parties often lose self-consciousness when things get in between the sheets and no longer know what their sex is about. Nevertheless, everything is fairly trivial. Either one partner seeks for more and another wants less OR both no more see the point in making love.
When you see your partner actively drawing attention from a member of the opposite sex and appears to kind of appreciate it, there’s small doubt you will have some questions for him/her. That highly unwanted third party threatens the stability of your union, so you may be extremely tempted to make it home as quicker as possible and burst out on your partner. If you know yourself being easily triggered when you see some other woman/man getting too close to your lover, you need to just let him/her know what exactly bothers you. And if your significant other truly cares, he/she will put an end to those controversial relations as he/she does not wish to violate your feelings.
Just like the family must always put their two cents in, so do our best friends. Maybe her female friends invite her to a girls’ night out just like they usually did when she was single, or when your pals refuse to understand why you have to rush back home to your girl instead of sharing a beer at the bar with them. No one should ever give up on their friends, sacrificing them for a romantic relationship, so the key is to search for that happy medium. Don’t be afraid to let your precious partner spend some time with his/her friends. Moments apart are just as important as moments together.
4. Unmet expectations
When things are going not the way you expected them to go, it may create certain feelings of frustration and frustration is known to lead to a hell of an argument. And what happens next? We blame our beloved ones for those unfulfilled expectations we’ve made up in our own heads. That’s why in order to learn how to argue effectively in a relationship, make sure you focus on helping each other instead of accusing your partner.
Money and everything connected with it is among the common reasons why couples fight. If you and your girl/guy cannot find a common language when it comes to earning and spending, you are likely to provide yourselves a solid ground for a number of disagreements. Just imagine the situation when your girlfriend wants to buy something new while you may be feeling that there’s neither some urgent need nor extra cash in your budget to afford the purchase. What do you do then? Bingo. You make your lover a sparring partner! Hope this won’t go beyond a verbal shootout.
6. Household chores
Speaking of household chores, can both of you surely say the work is always being equally split or does one of you accomplish all of the other partner’s job? Although women are considered to keep the house clean, guys need to contribute as well! Otherwise, it can lead to tons of bitterness and indignation. Obviously, the best way to sort out this issue is to share all chores equally or at least change places sometimes. A small piece of advice for the ladies: if you’ve decided to entrust him with doing a cleanup this weekend, do not rip him apart for the manner he will do it.
So you ended up looking for the tips on how to argue less in a relationship and keep blaming your partner for his bad habits, like smoking indoors. What do you expect then? Don’t you think it’s all about our human nature to find a person we can blame? Introverts tend to blame themselves and extroverts are known to blame others around. That is exactly why those two different natures often end up in one relationship!
Alright, you noticed him flirting with your sister. Or maybe her mother thinks you are not good enough for her precious daughter. Or maybe her father is a frank moron constantly making fun of your hobby of birding. Many people find themselves stuck in such situations, but the truth is there is no way you can get away from each other’s relatives, even if they live hundreds of miles away. As a result, being unable to talk over the issue with his/her mom or dad directly, most of us find an exit in pouring all of the “pleasantries” on our romantic partners.
Why is it all right to argue in a relationship?
Do you feel like you and your girl are always at odds over plain ridiculous issues? You might be. Yet, is it healthy to argue in a relationship? You may be surprised to know it definitely is! So, if you fight in a relationship it means…
1. Your love will survive anything
If you do not fight with your partner or do it rarely, it may not be the real love. Being able to put up a solid fight means your partnership is powerful enough to survive! If both lovers are absolutely free to say whatever on their minds, even the least pleasant stuff – it will only make your union stronger and more outspoken. If you fight, you will make it far enough together. All you need is to stop tiptoeing and start growing as one organism!
2. You respect each other’s points of view
Your thoughts regarding some important issues can be completely opposite, still that does not indicate your union seriously lacks respect for one another. You might ardently fight over particular things. But finding inner strength to disagree will eventually bring your partnership to much better understanding and even broader horizons. Mutual respect is essential for every healthy committed relationship.
3. You both defend your opinions
This point derives from the previous one. You can be the most stubborn two in the world and while stubbornness might not be the best feature as for a romantic relationship, it usually proves you two are strong-willed personalities. Just because you are madly in love does not suppose you’re actually ready to give up on your personal opinions. Keep it up!
4. You are comfortable with one another
Don’t be confused! Going for an argument may be showing how convenient both partners are with each other. Being able to tell your man you’re pissed off with his snoring at night means love! You know you don’t have the right to destroy what was already built, so you push one another to the limit testing yourselves. You fight simply because you are absolutely sure of your partner.
5. You will always teach each other
If there can ever be the one and only thing you want from your lover, it probably will be an inexhaustible source of knowledge. You desire to be with somebody who can teach you things, who will broaden your outlook. And thus, if you are with a beloved person who you argue with, he/she apparently has a thing or two to teach you.
6. Your relationship will never grow boring
If you keep fighting with each other, you can be absolutely confident your union is guaranteed to be colorful and diverse. Right, you’d better avoid screaming at your significant other all the time. However, healthy debating will keep both of you two entertained and mutually interested. Without a single doubt, the last thing you need is to fall into the vanilla nets of mediocrity.
All couples tend to have disagreements. No matter how powerful your love is, it will always need some moments to test your feelings. That is a given. At the same time, what can’t be a given is when your fights get too intense and thus lose their ability to strengthen the relationship.
So, you will acquire a really fruitful skill once you learn how to argue in a relationship without hurting your beloved person. And when it comes to your particular partnership, you will know how to get rid of the most serious problems and keep your relations healthy and happy.