A life together has its pros and cons. It can be considered as a rehearsal of a real family, the acquisition of experience, a real test for our feelings or the most convenient variant of relationships. It becomes a conscious choice of two, acquainted with the subtleties of family life. And what about couples that decided to live together for the first time? What to expect from the new experience and what pitfalls will they meet on the way? Whether a relationship changes after moving in together?
How long before moving in together
Living together can easily turn your relationship into hell or vice versa – to transfer it to a new level. After living together for a couple of months, you can seriously start talking about the wedding or understand that you are incompatible in everyday life. To successfully pass the test of joint life, the main thing is not to force events. You need to move in together when you are really ready for it. That is, when you both get the pleasure of living under the same roof. However, how do you know if your relationship has matured to such an important step and how long should you date before moving in together?
You try to spend every free minute together. And you would like to spend your free time with your loved one as much as possible. You like to spend time together and you don’t get bored. Many couples are held only by constant joint entertainment: restaurants, cinemas, clubs, and circles of friends. And left alone with each other in the apartment, they realize that they have nothing to talk about. Moving in with your partner, make sure it’s not about you!
You have often discussed the prospect of living together. If there was no such conversation, discuss everything now. Even if you jokingly try to discuss the conditions of living together, you will immediately understand whether your views on household chores, earnings, life, etc. If not, then it is better to settle the differences and find compromises even now, before you start living together.
You know the shortcomings of your loved one, but you are quite ready to ignore them. It is necessary to live together only when you accept your loved ones the way they are. If you hope to change your soulmate, then your life together will turn into the eternal war.
The prospect of living together inspires you. You dream how you will prepare a romantic dinner by candlelight or take a foam bath together. If you associate life together with a mountain of unwashed dishes and boring sex, then you are not ready yet. Usually, this happens when a couple starts moving in together too soon.
You have a suitable living space. It is desirable, of course, to live together. But if there is no such possibility and you live with relatives, then live in that apartment where there are fewer problems! Think about whether you want to live not only with your loved one but also with a mother, a grandmother, a dog, and others? If not, then don’t rush to live together!
You feel that you are ready! This is the surest sign of your readiness. Moving in with your significant other, you want it with all your heart and the mind is not able to control your feelings. Fine! Let your feelings only get stronger and your romance moves towards the happy ending!
Questions to ask before moving in together
Living under the same roof with your loved one is a very crucial step. You will spend a lot more time together and get to know each other from both the good and the bad side. In this regard, you need to think carefully before making such an important decision. What to discuss before moving in together?
Do you want to live together because of the benefits? The most important thing in this situation is to clearly define goals. Saving money when paying for an apartment should never be the original reason. Is your love so strong that you can’t imagine a day without each other? Or do you decide to live under the same roof just to have regular sex? Don’t rush. Wait until a relationship reaches the desired boiling point.
What do you want to get from such a relationship? Decide what you expect from living together. Do you expect to turn a relationship in a strong family? Or just want to live under the same roof and see what comes of it? Experts say that such decisions shouldn’t be taken hastily. First of all, it is necessary to weigh the pros and cons and analyze your relationship.
How will you share finances? Money becomes one of the main causes of quarrels. How to distribute finances? Discuss whether you will have common cash or whether each of you will spend only own money. Differences also occur when one partner earns more than the other. In order not to conflict with this, don’t hide your income from each other.
Are you ready to know everything about each other? As soon as you start living together, many secrets disappear. You will learn about all the habits and preferences of a partner. Some of them will seem nice to you and some will be terribly annoying. Can you accept a partner with all the shortcomings? When you find the answer to this question, then you will understand whether you need to move in.
Are you ready to pay less time to oneself? It is very difficult to find time for yourself when you don’t live alone. You will really miss this time. Believe me, this is a great test of your feelings! You don’t have to do everything together. Leave a little time for yourself.
How will you respond to quarrels? Moving in with your girlfriend, you should understand that if you quarrel now, you can go back to your house to cool down. When you live together, there will be nowhere to go. Ask yourself: “Do I have conflict resolution skills?”
Are you ready to make decisions with a partner? Living together usually means a higher level of commitment, intimacy, and communication. But it can also mean less freedom. In living together, every decision will affect each other. Living together means merging all aspects of your life.
Are you ready to share some things? If you live alone for a long time, you develop the attachment to certain things. Starting to live together, you will have to get rid of some objects that are dear to you in order to increase the space.
If you are concerned about these questions, then you should ask yourself if you are ready to make compromises for living together.
Things to talk about before moving in together
We offer you 5 things that you definitely need to discuss before you start living with your loved one.
This may seem obvious, but many couples avoid starting such conversations because it can be obscene. While some awkward situations are easy to avoid, the question of finances can be very problematic. Therefore, it is necessary to discuss frankly who will earn and how this money will be spent. This will give you enough time to protect your personal savings in unforeseen situations.
If one of you is addicted to watching television at night and the other is an early riser and gets up with the first rays of the sun, then you need to talk because you are going to coexist together. That is, you need either to adapt to each other or to make the living conditions comfortable for each other.
Whether you live in own apartment or rent it, it is also necessary to find out what position everyone’s friends will occupy in your life. Do they have the right to come to visit you at any time or only by invitation, can you go to a party with friends for a couple of hours and so on. Clarifying these questions will help prevent fights and resentment.
In fact, it is not enough to smile at each other to assure that you will do all the household chores together – this doesn’t always work. In fact, it’s best to just assign responsibilities. Talk about what kind of work you can do best. For example, it is unlikely that a man would cook dinner in the evenings and a girl would vacuum carpets and shake out blankets.
And of course, the issue of children is the base issue of joint life. You just need to find out if you want children, how many, and at what age in order not to be disappointed and not spoil the lives of each other.
Tips for couples moving in together
Each fairy tale ends with the fact that a prince and a princess came together and lived happily ever after. And then, there was not a word about their joint life. In real life, of course, everything is not so romantic. Most likely, you will not be able to live so harmoniously and continue to lead the old life in full. So, you have to adjust something, change your habits, and look for compromises. And here are tips for couples moving in together.
Don’t change radically. This is the first moving in together advice. We are talking about changes not only external, of course. Don’t turn from a nice, calm person into a brawler who falls into hysterics because of a dirty cup or a call from an unknown number.
Don’t deprive each other of personal space. Normally, each person needs a certain amount of personal space. Living under the same roof doesn’t mean that you should dissolve in each other. A relationship shouldn’t be oppressive, and in order to not want to break out of it, we must give each other free space.
Don’t control. Of course, if you live together, all your life is in full view and it’s impossible to hide something. In addition, you or your partner can always read email or messages. But don’t do this. Remember that a person needs a personal space (even outside the home). Not to mention the fact that if there is no trust in a relationship, then it is better not to start it at all.
Don’t impose your rules. Every adult person has own way of life, own idea of how everything should be, own rules, which have been formed over the years. Of course, it is not easy and painful to take and make drastic changes in life. But you have other rules for now. So, you will have to find a compromise.
Don’t pay attention to trifles. Starting living together, you have to be prepared for many annoying things that you don’t like. But you must understand that it is easier to close eyes on some trifles. On the one hand, yes, from all these household trifles our life develops, but on the other hand – if you are not ready to put up with them, then it is better to live alone.
Don’t be silent. It is foolish to believe that a partner should guess about your thoughts, read them in the eyes, and feel with the heart. The only way to normal relationships is to discuss everything openly. It is better to speak about everything you don’t like than to suffer in silence from misunderstanding, to keep offense and anger for months and years.
Don’t hope for a miracle. And this is the last advice for couples moving in together. You shouldn’t hope that you will immediately be able to change your partner and inculcate the necessary habits (in your opinion) just starting living together. It is necessary to reject illusions, forget your ideas about a perfect relationship and look at things with a sober look.