Too Awkward to Date: Why It Happens
This will mostly concern the first date in one's life or with a new partner. There is a good reason why the first date is the most awkward and most notorious one. In truth, the first date should be called, “awkward moments of a romantic nature” because that is exactly what it is, an awkward stare down between two people, it is filled with stress, sweat, and fear. Now you might think, “My first date went just fine, I don’t know what you are talking about.” Of course, not all dates are filled with awkward situations. Let us not deny that some of them are simply fantastic, but there are still such dates from which you want to escape. So, let’s see why such awkwardness may be present in your dates.
1. You suddenly want to go to the toilet
The date is great, you chat, you have a lot in common, some opinions differ, but this makes the conversation even more interesting. You smile, they laugh. And here, at the most inappropriate moment, you need to go to the toilet. You, of course, apologize, explain something and say that you need to leave them for a few minutes. While sure, this may not look like that big of a deal, but it feels uncomfortable to do so. It gives a person the time to reflect on what happened and fill their brain with all sorts of worries and anxieties. Such a basic trip serves as a way to escape from reality and take a break, but in fact, it does the exact opposite.
2. You are late
You are well aware of this and understand that your partner will not be very pleased from the very beginning of the date. Therefore, the chance that it will be excellent is very small. Sure, 5 minutes is nothing terrible, but if you are late for a whole hour, how can this date turn out good at all? You have definitely lost their “respect points” and may never be able to recover them.
3. The process of eating
Why is it necessary to eat something on your date? Seriously? Whoever invented an awkward dinner date was a sadist. After all, you are filled with excitement, and you can accidentally pour over the wine, knock over a plate, not to mention the greens, that can always get stuck in your teeth. Desserts are a lot better for dates, they are quite safe in this.
4. Bright lipstick or piece of an outfit
This mostly goes for women, but guys can be just as guilty in this. The whole may go tits up because you choose to wear an odd-looking tie or apply overly-bright lipstick. All of the attention of your partner will be focused on it, and it is not a good thing.
5. Alcoholic beverages
How to be less awkward – don’t overdo with alcohol. There may be three options. First: you get drunk and ruin everything. Second: your partner gets drunk and ruins everything. Third: you both drink in moderation and then everything will be fine. There’s only a 33% chance of success in this.
6. Choice of clothes
It is important for you to wear those clothes that you find to the most comfortable, nothing new. You shouldn't put on anything that brings you discomfort. Come as you are.
7. Long pauses
Long pauses are always awkward, uncomfortable and bring discomfort. Remember that it is these minutes of silence that brink awkwardness into your date and make your partner doubt whether they feel comfortable in your presence. How to avoid awkward silence on a date? Shift the burden of talking to your partner, ask them questions that implies long answers.
8. Disagreements
You may have found many topics for discussion. But you find yourself disagreeing in almost everything that you discuss. Do not get excited, do not violently defend your point of view. If you find it impossible to agree on even the most minor of things, then this person is not for you.
9. You forgot their name
In this romantic period of first dates, anything can happen. Do not worry if you accidentally forget their name. You can form sentences the way that will not require mentioning their name.
How to Avoid Awkward Silence on a Date?
Will there be a second date after the first? The question is rhetorical. It all depends on whether you’ve had an awkward first date. But how can you avoid having an awkward date?
Experts of The School of Life explain that seduction in the broadest sense is the awakening of reciprocal interest in a person who is interesting to you. In order to master the art of seduction, you need to do only two things: to build relationships with yourself and show your sincere interest in the inner qualities of your interlocutor.
How to not be socially awkward? It is important to know your strengths and weaknesses. If a person doesn’t see their weaknesses – they won’t hide them and might even be proud of these aspects of their image. The School of Life surveys showed that people had found their partners to be “extremely seductive” when the latter had some minor flaws that they acknowledged, which is what humanized them. Awkward date stories make it unlikely that the second date will ever happen.
How to not be awkward on a date? Experts in the field of psychology of relationships do not advise people to dive deep into the inner world of a person, especially if you do not know each other well yet. Perhaps someone will like it, but most people will repel such behavior, this will not cause anything good.
A good way to approach this is when, after a story about the traumatic experience that a person had to face, you say, “I can’t imagine how hard it was for you at that moment. But it's great that you've managed to handle it.” Thus, the interlocutor will understand that you are really interested in everything that has happened to them and is happening. And this is a step towards something greater.
Very often, people immediately begin to talk about their life problems, hinting at things and often even suggesting that their new partner should fix them in one way or another. This is just wrong, you should not burden a person with this sort of information. You should leave a positive impression on a person because no one can be that certain about their choice after the first date, they need positive emotions to get interested in you. Only after a certain period of communication, you may express some of your concerns and fears, but don’t become a burden.
A noisy place is not the best choice for a date. Of course, this can be a great option in other circumstances, but not for a serious date. You will have to shout, ask to repeat questions and etc, this will make your communication a lot worse. A nightclub is not the right place for a serious discussion.
The main question is what to talk about? About the weather? About politics? Should you be smart or sound silly? If you are smart, be neutral, keep calm and listen to what a person is talking about. Follow them through the dialogue. If they want to talk about musical bands, tell them which ones you like; if possible, show a person that you are aware of the latest events in music and that you have your own interests. But you should not overload a person with information. Go with the flow, don’t tell them the entire story of your life as well as every opinion you have on every band you know, this will only cause irritation, and they will surely disagree with you on a band or two.
How to not be awkward? As we’ve already mentioned, on any date, there may be times when both partners have nothing to say. Do not feel obliged to fill these awkward pauses, there might be situations when it is needed. As a rule, it is accepted that a man should lead a conversation, a woman should go with the flow. Thus, a man should come prepared with a few questions up his sleeve, and a woman should be open to disagreements and be ready to follow up on any given topic. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, the gender roles are constantly changing and evolving, but for now, this is the way it goes.
Awkward First Date Questions
So, how to not be awkward on a first date? What questions should be avoided on the first date? There are a lot of awkward questions, and here are the most common ones.
1. How are you? On the one hand, the question is quite innocuous, but it does not imply any development of the topic. It is usually asked for the sake of decency, but more often because of ignorance on how to start a conversation. This question is overwritten and unoriginal. And the answer to it is always the same, “I am ok.”
2. Well, where shall we go? This brings a lot of awkwardness into a date, especially if it’s your first date, you should have handled that in advance, thus, you would have had more time to discuss this, so that both of you would be ok with your mutual choice. A bad restaurant will spoil your date, it will leave a sour impression on both of you. This is one of the most awkward questions to ask a girl, a man should have a few options up his sleeve at all times.
3. Tell me about yourself. What do you do? Not everyone can boast of enthusiasm and hectic activity. I play videogames, I work in an office… And it will be quite hard for a person to tell you something more than that, we aren’t all just the most marvelous and intriguing people out there, we are all human. Because the question is too direct, it can introduce a person into a stupor. Learn to find out about the person in the process of conversation, and not with the help of direct and banal questions.
4. What women (men) do you like? You’ve found yourself on the first date, so there is some sympathy on both sides. Thus, you find each other at least mildly attractive. Why should you rush things? And even if it’s not your first date, what is the need for this sort of a question? There are two possible answers, “women/men like you” or some other answer that would just sound weird. If a man found himself on a date with a blonde woman, he cannot really tell her that he likes redheads.
5. How old are you? This isn’t that important after all if you find each other interesting, then what is the need to be interested in this so early in your relationship? There is no such need, and men should avoid these questions at all costs.
6. So what? (In response to a question). If a person asks you a question, then the answer is important and interesting for them. A person is trying to learn more about you and find common ground. In general, any similar way of avoiding a question will be perceived as rudeness on your part.
7. Can I kiss you? First off, asking for a kiss is kind of pathetic. It should be a mutual desire that drives you two to it, not just a pity of your partner to kiss you.
8. How do you like me? It is incorrect to ask a similar question on the first date. By the further behavior of your partner, it will be clear how much they like you. It makes for quite an awkward Tinder date if you to like each other. Otherwise, you can get upset if they answer, “You are ok” when you were expecting something more. This is a very self-centric question, don’t rush things, but go with the flow.
