Sometimes, it happens that people are not able to break up for many years although they are unhappy together. Both partners hold on to the "dying" relationship, having their own reasons, one of which is very simple. They do not know how to leave each other alone and doubt whether to leave is the right decision or not, they are afraid to lose a partner and remain alone. Both are used to living together, and their breakup means that they need to look for someone else. Not wanting to change anything in their lives, they just prefer to turn a blind eye to the red flags in a relationship.
Often, people do not break up just because they lack the willpower. Almost any relationship consists not only of negative aspects. The memory of happy days does not allow you to cut off the thread that ties you firmly. It seems that you can still change the situation. The most important thing you can do is to understand how much each of you is valuable as a partner. Do you really want to be together, or it is just a habit that keeps you? Is it easy to find the major red flags in a relationship? Is your relationship full of them?
What are red flags in a relationship?
What are some red flags in a relationship? Notorious red flags are indicators that show an unfavorable direction of your relationship development. In a long-term relationship, it is difficult to change something. You are comfortable with your partner, you know what expect from them and do not worry about the feelings between you. In an atmosphere where passion has long been discarded, the motivation for your development as a couple is lost. It seems that this is not a problem, but you are wrong. If the partners do not develop as individuals, then the relationship turns into codependency. Once you feel that your partner is just a roommate, there are reasons to pay attention to your behavior and answer yourself honestly, "Do you see relationship red flags and deal breakers?"
1. You do not discuss the problems. Have you really solved all the problems or just accepted their existence? Well, there are dissatisfactions, but you don’t want to move on. You do not develop because you are comfortable. You might postpone serious topics for discussion to the time when you will have less work. In any case, it simply leads to the appearance of a snowball of unrealized desires, grievances, and fears.
2. You experience lack of trust. If a person cannot be honest with themselves, then, naturally, they cannot be honest with you. This can be a completely unconscious process. Most likely, there are blind spots in their personality that a person hides from themselves. It is very difficult to live with such a person. Besides, they may just lie to you. This is one of the red flags of unhealthy relationships because it is impossible to be completely happy without trust.
3. You prefer to spend time without a partner. When you meet for the first time, you try to find out as much as possible about a person. However, when you have already learned all the sides of each other, it seems normal to watch a movie in another room in the evening. You like different things, you don’t want to look for a "compromise" movie because you are tired of each other’s company. This is one of the red flags in a relationship for guys.
4. You feel the emotional unavailability of your partner. Your partner doesn’t express their feelings. You try to fill in the blanks, reflecting on the partner's feelings. They can create emotional distance from you and don’t react to your experiences. Your partner can "punish" you with their silence and leave you in difficult situations.
5. You do not miss your partner. If earlier you hated to be alone, but now you do not care whether their business trip ends soon or not, then it's unlikely that your relationship is as good as before. In an overly comfortable relationship, people do not even listen to each other's stories to the end because many daily events are quite expected and predictable. They create the illusion of insignificance.
6. You do not make efforts to please a partner. You catch yourself thinking that you are not trying to look good in the eyes of your partner, for example, you do not even think about making a cup of tea. Besides, when you see each other naked, none of you makes a dirty joke, and you have already forgotten what passion means.
7. Your partner can show recklessness and immaturity. Some people have problems mastering the basic skills of taking care of themselves and their needs. For example, they do not know how to manage finances, take care of themselves, arrange their living space, etc. It is quite difficult to rely on such people in relationships. Till a person has not learned to take care of themselves independently, they are most likely to be just a consumer. Such behavior is surely on the relationship red flags list.
8. You experience manipulation from their side. Your partner adheres to the "divide and rule" policy. They drive a wedge between you and other important people in your life to control you. Such a person can be jealous of your surroundings.
9. Your partner has a destructive lifestyle. The use of psychoactive substances, gaming addiction, nymphomania, violation of the law belongs to major red flags in a relationship. Don’t hesitate to run away from such a relationship, especially if the partner doesn’t work on changing their lifestyle.
10. You are in the abusive relationship. Red flags of an abusive relationship include physical, emotional or sexual abuse. Any kind of abusive relationship red flags is not even a flag, but a huge red banner that it’s high time to leave and never look back.
Controlling relationship red flags
Do you ask yourself whether your partner sincerely cares about you or just controls? There are controlling relationship red flags that you should be aware of.
1. They send you a big number of messages. Everyone likes to send messages and get signs of attention. However, when these messages become intrusive and demanding, it’s not about care but about control.
2. They want to be together 24/7. Dominant people have a need to control your life and don’t want to let you do anything without their approval. To have constant control over you, they need to spend all time together.
3. You cannot communicate with your friends. People with controlling type of behavior want to possess your attention and want you to communicate only with them. It may seem a romantic manifestation of their attitude, but, at the same time, it is a true way to isolate you from people who can support you and help you leave them.
4. Your partner can lash out at the drop of a hat. You forget to call or buy something, and your partner loses their temper or takes offense. Dominant people with control freakiness tend to perceive everything as an attempt to hurt their feelings that’s why they react excessively and inappropriately to even the slightest misstep. Control freakiness is one of the major red flags in a relationship.
5. They don’t like the way you dress. Of course, your partner can express their opinion about your clothes, but, at the same time, they should respect your choice. If they are excessively demanding and dictate how you should dress, this is a manifestation of excessive control.
Financial red flags in a relationship
It’s considered indecent to discuss money and humiliating to take it from a partner. You may not agree with this statement, but do not say that you don’t care about it. The secret of female compliance is successfully solved, it is concluded in two modest terms, money and men. Some girls are ready to leave any man for money. Others are ready to leave any money for a man. The secret of male awesomeness has also been solved for a long time, it also lies in two concepts, money and women. Some men are ready to roll over on any woman for the money. Others are ready to spend any money on a woman. Anyway, money is a global but delicate aspect of a relationship, but, anyway, you should detect the financial red flags.
- Dictatorship in the family does not occur in a vacuum. Usually, one of the spouses allows another one to treat themselves like that. If one of the partners considered such a behavior to be unacceptable one, the relationship simply would not have developed.
- Often, a person who financially depends on a partner quietly hates them for their own dependence. At the same time, they do nothing to become less dependent but find a lot of excuses. In such situations, it’s not even about money but about the realization of their own psychological goals. Such people would rather prefer to obey, suffer and humble than to become independent.
- If a person treats themselves with respect, they can build a relationship with an equivalent exchange of services when one partner brings money to the family, and another one fills their home with more comfort and coziness.
Red flags in a new relationship
Every relationship has a chance to be long-term and happy. Building a relationship is a task that cannot be solved alone. Both partners should work on their relationship to give a chance for its development. Look closely at your communication to notice the early relationship red flags, otherwise, it can lead to more serious problems up to violence in the future.
1. The first attraction did not lead to a strong connection. When two people meet each other, the attraction is based on external qualities at the first stage. It’s about a beautiful picture and not the inner world. A love affair, like a flame, flares up quickly due to a strong physical attraction, but it dies even quicker. You should feel something more than attraction to move on. Is it better to be friends? Is this the best way out?
2. You have very different worldviews and life priorities. People act in one way or another because of their internal beliefs and values. Therefore, you should clearly understand whether the desires, behavior, beliefs of the partner correspond to your vital positions. Will you be able to reach a compromise in the future, talking about promotion, further education, personal development, financial goals?
3. You notice the cases of deception. Lying destroys an important component of any relationship, trust. The presence of lies, understatement, secrets from each other is a clear marker of great problems in your relationship. This is the beginning of the end.
4. You are in doubt about the continuation of your relationship. This is normal if there are doubts and questions about the long-term prospects of your relationship. However, do not ignore red flags, especially if you have such thoughts all the time.
5. Your partner is friends with the ex. It’s okay if they don’t have any feelings for the ex. However, it is a red flag if your partner constantly compares you with the ex and tells you about what their ex would say or do in this situation.