Each person has habits that sometimes we live the whole life with, and we meet another person it is vital to adjust to these habits and find a common language, otherwise, relationships can become unhealthy. Sometimes signs of an unhealthy relationship manifest themselves in critical moments, in other cases, you can live together for several years until you realize you are unhappy with your partner and want to change something. To avoid such a situation, you should pay attention to your emotional state in your relationships and discuss with your partner everything that worries you. What is a toxic relationship, after all, and how to heal after such a negative experience? Read below.
What Is a Toxic Relationship and Why It's Important to Recognize It
We often look for evidence of whether we are loved and whether the feelings of our partner are real. And we don’t even think about whether we love or just imitate passion because fears, insecurities, and mental traumas interfere. After all, there are a lot of cases when a man (more often, unfortunately, this happens to girls looking for dates) invents great love for himself, and then wonders why they are unhappy, and his partner doesn’t meet his expectations. Toxic relationships are manifested in various problems and can be easily detected.
For example, if you are humiliated during disputes, such a relationship cannot be called normal. Resentment and omission are other signs of an unhealthy relationship. Over time, you may want to take revenge on your partner, negative emotions accumulate, they destroy love.
Manipulations, threats, control are the first signs of a toxic relationship too, in most cases they lead to domestic violence. The desire to blame others is a common ailment in couples. If one of you is not ready to bear responsibility for your mistakes, this provokes constant debate.
Jealousy is another sign of an unhealthy relationship. If a partner from the very beginning tries to prevent you from communicating with some people, this is an alarming bell. The necessity to control can turn into jealousy over nothing. In general, negative experience makes us behave completely illogical, for example, look for toxic relationships or behave passively-aggressively. When we use sarcastic, passive-aggressive statements or deliberately do something wrong, harm our beloved one, yes, we will feel better for some time, but in the end, we use the same unworthy manipulative techniques.
Therefore, in a relationship, try not only to take but also to give: openly communicate about your feelings. If this does not bring the desired result, and the relationship remains toxic, keep communication to a minimum and try to be as compassionate and honest as possible - remain yourself. And if you are ready, you want and you can, it's better to completely let go of the toxic relationship and related experiences. Focus on the good: on a positive experience, meet single ladies, make plans for a brighter future and live a full and meaningful life in the present.
The Basics of Healthy Relationships
If two people fit together, and they have a close relationship, then, usually, at the stage of falling in love, they see the other person through the “rose-colored glasses.” After some time, the partner already seems more real, and you begin to notice their weaknesses and those less attractive qualities. A similar process happens even in friendships. To understand the personality and character of another person, it is good to use an open type of communication, for example, to freely talk about your feelings and thoughts.
Through open communication, you can find a lot more in common with a friend or your partner. If you know how to discuss your problems, you can say what annoys you in the other person not offending each other. This increases the satisfaction received from close relationships, and they become stronger and longer.
However, you can find differences between you and the partner, or that the partner can turn out to be different from what you have expected. This will help understand where the dissatisfaction from the relationship has come from. Because the relationship that originated in adolescence can be short-lived for this reason, as expectations concerning your partner are often unrealistic. A healthy, satisfying relationship makes you feel good about yourself and your partner. You have fun together, and you can both be yourself. So, what are the main signs that distinguish a healthy relationship from an unhealthy relationship?
Trust. This feeling is very important. Without trust, it makes no sense to talk about any relationship at all. If you do not trust a partner, then you are constantly nervous and suspect them of cheating, betrayal or not treating you right. You cannot feel calm when they leave somewhere alone or with friends, you are nervous even when they leave for work. The lack of this feeling is one of the signs of a toxic relationship.
Any couple will always have questions and topics that are unpleasant to them, difficult or issues that they just do not want to discuss with each other. If such topics are hushed up, and their discussion is constantly put aside, then, in the end, this will lead to misunderstanding, resentment and other negative consequences.
Discuss with your partner everything you need to know. The main thing is to conduct a conversation calmly and respect the feelings and opinions of a loved one, this is one of the ways how to get out of a toxic relationship.
Respect. A healthy stable relationship means you understand your partner’s opinions, attitude towards certain issues, their views and take them into account. As well as you recognize each other’s rights for privacy and personal life outside the relationships. This means that you should neither rummage through the personal belongings of the partner nor read their text messages nor in any other way intrude into their personal life. Remember that such actions are a betrayal of trust, and happy couples do not play by such rules.
Support. There is no such thing as a half-day in a relationship. You are either in a relationship or not, you either work on them twenty-four/seven or not. In a healthy relationship, both partners will be fully committed to each other and their relationships. This means that you go through all the trials of life together and support each other in everything. When you love a person, you care about them and want them to succeed and fulfill themselves. You support them in everything, you believe in them. You are standing next to a person, and not on their way when they move toward a goal.
10 Toxic Relationship Signs
How to distinguish an unhealthy relationship that has no future from a healthy one? Dependent, toxic, neurotic - call it whatever you want. The point is that an unhealthy relationship does not bring real happiness but surrogates it. That is people in a relationship do not get pleasure from their union, but the thought of parting also hurts them. Such relationships are associated with a state of anxiety, a vague or obvious feeling that your interests are not taken into account, they practice models that sooner or later lead to neurosis and psychosomatic disorders.
However, unhealthy relationships may not look like that from the outside, they also include dates, passion, a candy-bouquet period, and often neither the people around nor even the victims themselves can identify that something is going wrong or they do not know how to get rid of toxic relationships. Nevertheless, psychologists provide the following toxic relationships test that indicates that your relationship is dangerous and unhealthy. If at least 3 things can be applied to your union, it is an alarming call.
1. You no longer feel joy and ease from this relationship. A very unobvious sign that usually characterizes the beginning of a love relationship. In an unhealthy relationship, joy may be present initially, but it never lasts long. Disturbing signs appear soon, first in an innocent joke that hurts you, and later in a prohibition that they will explain by taking care of you. These relationships do not inspire but, on the contrary, land you. There is a feeling that your wings have been cut, you have been deprived of freedom, that you do not always do what you want to do. If the relationship lasts long, then sooner or later a feeling of emptiness, fatigue, and depression appear. Getting out of them becomes increasingly difficult over time, as the victim loses their will and sense of reality.
2. Attempts to talk about problems do not result in anything constructive. For example, tormented by the fact that something is going wrong, you want to talk. This is sensible and constructive. But when you initiate a conversation, all your words and arguments seem to be wasted. It becomes a clarification for the sake of clarification. An attempt to figure out who is right and who is to blame does not lead to anything. On the contrary, in the process, everything is turned upside down, you are moving away from the essence of the problem, and there is already a feeling that you are not listening to each other. Is that relatable? If yes, then be aware, such discussions are an example of violating the personal boundaries, the manipulative behavior of a partner and one of the toxic relationship signs. Instead of a real discussion, you get a headache, and you are not at all happy that you started this.
3. The success of a partner makes you jealous, you feel envy instead of joy for their achievements. In normal relationships, partners rejoice at each other's successes when one of the signs of an unhealthy relationship is an unwillingness to accept the partner's positive results and success. Psychologists attribute this to a desire for control, a manipulator will question the potential of a loved one to increase their self-esteem in such a simple way. As we understand it, this is a dead-end path that leads to the destruction of a partner’s self-esteem and is one of the neurotic methods of manipulation.
4. Frequent changes of mood. A few minutes ago, you were laughing at something and were completely happy while now a small detail, which could stay unnoticed at any other moment, caused a severe discussion between you. It seems that even you cannot control your emotions on your own as if you are unhappy about your mood swings yourself but do not know what to do. This can mean only one thing; the reason is in your partner. Their manipulations make you question your feeling and change your behavior subconsciously.
5. Ignoring your feelings and attempts to talk. It is normal to discuss everything that disturbs you, otherwise, hidden offends and the desire for revenge can appear. Nobody reads minds, and you have to talk to avoid problems and if your partner refuses to, it means they are either afraid or manipulating. Failure to explain the reason for their behavior, pauses in conversations, leaving without saying anything, ignoring calls, staying silent are all examples of a boycott that disorient the victim and drive them crazy. Run until it's too late because ignorance is a meaningful and cruel way of manipulation.
6. Desire to control. You did not have time to understand how it had turned out that they were aware of all your plans, calls, and movements. Full knowledge of all the affairs of a partner is a sign of an unhealthy desire to control their life. Even if you are interested in what your beloved plans to do or where they are going, you can straightforwardly ask about it and if they do not want to tell you, it is their right. But reading their text, planner, list of to-do things without them knowing and keeping track of what they do is not normal.
7. Real problems with physical health. Psychosomatics of our body works in a way that all mental problems, anxiety, depressions or feeling of being the odd one out because your partner constantly humiliates you can be manifested in real health problems. The hair loss, compulsive overeating or anorexia, lack of sleep, neurosis and even tumors can be developed because of the unstable emotional condition. If you notice that you constantly feel unwell, maybe it is your unhealthy relationship that puts you into stress.
8. Jealousy and questioning the feelings of each other. Distrust is always a sign that a system failure has occurred. Resentment that a partner can enjoy life on their own without you, and even worse, with someone else, is a sign that you have become addicted. To bind a partner, you begin to manipulate to make them stay, and it leads your partner to feel guilty even if they did not do anything. Furthermore, this can even make a person jealous of friends and relatives of their beloved, they begin to show a desire to be the center of the universe for their partner. Jealousy is unhealthy in all its manifestations and a sign your relationship lack trust.
9. The constant feeling that the ax might fall. You have been hurt, offended so many times that you have become used to being controlled and humiliated. Your life has turned into the unending process of either recovering form the last conflict or waiting for another one. All you talk about with your friends is the last quarrel you had with your partner. You live in constant fear that every action may out your partner into a rage, you become exhausted and, in the long run, deprived of emotions because you no longer have the power to resist the accusations. That means your union has become extremely toxic, so why do you even need the relationships that do not bring any joy?
10. Gifts instead of resolving conflicts. Another problem in modern relationships is that it's easier to accept a gift, go shopping or go to an expensive restaurant instead of finding out the reason for the conflict. If two different people come together and build a relationship, then it is simply necessary to form a habit of talking and hearing each other. Gifts and entertainment, of course, "dust-up" the problems, but for how long? Complexities and grievances that are "solved" in this way, get accumulated with time and only lead to the exhaustion of feeling.
The emerging problems should be solved, do not try to distract the partner’s attention with shopping and expensive gifts. Happiness cannot be bought. Give gifts when everything is well, and you want to please your partner. And learn to be responsible for your actions. Also, a manipulator thinks they receive a constant check for humiliating their partner by providing them financial support or occasional gifts.
How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship
You can tolerate an inappropriate partner the whole life just because you have become used to them, but will that make you happy? If both sides are trying not only to maintain feelings but also to build healthy relationships, then it is necessary to jointly resolve conflicts, learn to talk and hear each other. If you can't cope on your own, try to turn to a psychologist for help. Strive for stability not in quarrels, but mutual understanding and respect for each other. This is the secret to a happy relationship and advice on how to fix a toxic relationship.
So, the successful resolution of problems requires the desire and commitment of both partners. You need to listen to another person and understand them. You should understand and talk about your feelings, try to hear what causes negative emotions in your beloved one. Suppressing a bad mood and feelings of dissatisfaction and avoiding conflicts will not help solve the problem, and you will soon think about how to leave a toxic relationship.
Unresolved problems can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and cause more harm to a person. But before investigating how to get out of a bad relationship, first try to fix the problems and make your union the one you have dreamed of. In other cases, when you realize that there is nothing to be saved here, but you are afraid to leave a partner, you can turn to someone for advice. It can be a help of a parent, a psychologist, youth counselor, family doctor, or someone you can trust. In such a situation, no one should be forced to maintain unsafe and harmful relationships against their will.