What Does It Mean to Lose Yourself in a Relationship?
Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you fell in love, thought of it as the best thing imaginable, but then got disappointed and felt like you’ve completely forgotten about your ambitions and plans for the future, and thought, “I have lost myself in a relationship”? Without a doubt, we are all susceptible to dissolving in our love to some extent, losing ground and replacing our ambitions with the ambitions of our spouses. But, according to psychologists, as well as on the basis of our unlimited wisdom, this is the last thing one should do in love. Yeah, of course, love is wonderful, and care, affection, and support are just as amazing, but when you devote your life and energy to someone else, forgetting about yourself (by the way, this concerns not only the woman-man alliance but also the parents and their children) it means that one feels emptiness inside and tries to fill it with achievements and successes of their partner.
Why do I lose myself in relationships? In order to be happy in love – one has to feel happy alone. Happiness is when one can live alone but still feel someone by one’s side. Pure love means to be able to feel comfortable alone. A love that makes one feel dependent on their spouse is inherently wrong, one should be and stay themselves, and the presence of a spouse in one’s life should not go against their own best intentions, goals, and wishes. If the opposite is the case, then a person, living vicariously through someone else is striving for their spouse’s needs more than for the things they want. Just imagine the sad realization of all of the emptiness that a person may experience after a breakup of such an alliance, it can be quite damaging since all of this time was wasted. The saddest thing is that it wasn’t even wasted on themselves in the sense that they were trying to achieve their own goals, it was wasted on a random person, one who is now separate from them and is completely insignificant to them.
What does it mean to lose yourself in a relationship? To lose one’s self in love is to fall down the bottomless pit, to be in a constant chase, jump through hoops to satisfy your spouse. The thing is that this spouse may not even realize their dominance over one’s life, it just feels nice to receive all of this attention, but in fact, one of the partners was just too oppressed, too inclined to be nice towards their beloved person. This is why most of the psychologists agree on the idea that the hotter the love begins, the bigger its explosion will be. When both spouses go mad in love, they feel affection, care, desire to do everything their spouse wants, and then, after just a year or so, they look back and realize that this was just a momentary passion, it all went down the drain, and they cannot return this time.
Don't lose yourself in a relationship and read the following tips on how to identify whether you are lost and how to find a way out.
How to Understand That You Lost Yourself in a Relationship?
You are alone
When you lose yourself in a relationship, you feel alone. As we’ve already said, all of us must occasionally get of our bubbles that we have created with our spouses, we should not have only one person in our lives to talk to, we should have at least a few friends that are going to help us when we need it the most. Also, it would be quite preferable to have some friends that are empathetic and caring and a few that can give us criticism and say where we’ve messed up. This would seem off-putting at first, but this will help us rationally analyze our actions and thus, invest in our own future. We should not fall into the same old traps.
Ambitions were lost
To lose ambitions is to lose hope. All of us have certain ideas on what’s to come as well as certain expectation and these things define our personality. We are always moving forward, pursuing these plans and expectations. It is very important to understand that love should be mutually beneficial, it should be productive, bring joy and fun. If one spouse is jumping through all sorts of hoops for another one – it is a dependency because they have forgotten about their own future and expectations. Love should be a catalyst towards success in life, not a roadblock in it.
Your confidence is gone
To lose identity in a relationship is to lose confidence. Achievements in life bring confidence, success is what keeps a person moving forward. Thus, it is quite logical that if you aren’t achieving things in life, you will eventually lose all of your confidence. To lose confidence in one’s self is to commit intellectual suicide, this means that you are unlikely to set yourself another goal in the future. As we’ve said, love should be mutually beneficial. You should not be afraid of this phrasing, you should look back at all of the people around you, everyone who seems to have forgotten about their dreams and passions in favor of this stupid desire to keep a relationship going. This is awful, it’s not like a divorce makes you less of a person, don’t be afraid of throwing something away that went rotten and getting something that feels fresh and exciting.
A stupid movie on TV seems like the best thing in the world to you
In love in which a person truly feels unappreciated, it feels like the entire life is slipping through their fingers. People around them are constantly growing, developing, becoming something more. The dumbest of ways of detaching yourself from all of the routine and boredom of this pathetic existence seem to you like the gifts from God. That’s why there are so many women that are practically addicted to those stupid TV series, they live vicariously through others and celebrate their achievements as their own.
There is no one in your life but your spouse
Dependent relationships ruin lives, this isn’t anything new, they ruin self-esteem and love for one’s self. The longer you’ve been through it, the more normal it is to you. To get attached to this sort of living and get used to being emotionally oppressed, not even considering any form of self-development is to forget about the existence of one’s own identity and all of the plans for the future. You have left it all behind and all of your emotions, hard work and dedication are focused on one person. This person should have been you, not someone else.
How to Not Lose Your Identity in a Relationship?
Now, we will list a few tips on how to not lose yourself in a relationship.
Set goals for yourself
It is extremely important to know what has been imposed and realize your own inner ambitions and desires. How to not lose yourself in a relationship? The ability to think straight and perceive one’s own wishes and ambitions is completely absent in a dependent coexistence. You should not be a selfish individual that does not recognize other people's needs and desires, no, but it is worth discussing the problem and making an attempt to find a compromise that both of you will be fine with.
Have your hobbies
How to not lose yourself in a relationship? Each of us has a thing that brings us joy and peace, some like to sing, some enjoy yoga, and others love to drive around a city during the night. It doesn’t matter what your hobby is, it should not leave your life because of your new affair. One should not betray themselves because of their spouse’s desires. Each person should have some kind of an occupation that will help them release all of their frustrations and stress on. If you don’t have such a thing in your life yet, you must seek it and chase.
Work should bring happiness
Work is a great opportunity to fulfill one’s talents and ambitions. After all, in the end, each of us dreams of achieving success in their own field of activity, climbing the career ladder, and becoming famous, and not just being your spouse’s puppet, living vicariously through their successes and achievements. Sure, not a big percent of us enjoy what we do, work is tedious, and it is a thing that separates you from relaxation and peace. Thus, to make this life just a little bit easier for yourself, choose the right time to switch to another job that suits you better, believe me, it is better to get paid a bit less than to waste time on a job that you despise with all of your heart.
Learn to communicate with someone else
Friends are incredibly important in our lives, they not only give us lots of great memories and experiences, but they are also out there for when the times get dark, for when it is the worst time of your life. And even if it isn’t the worst time of your life, you still need someone for casual chitchat to relax. Someone who isn’t going to judge you, someone who isn’t going to bother you with all of the troubles in the world and will just listen to you with empathy.
Do not be attached to your spouse
This may be quite a hard thing to realize, but it is very important, nonetheless. Every couple out there should know the importance of having some time for oneself. Two people, no matter how attached to each other they are, no matter how desperate they are to seek each other’s attention, will eventually fizzle out and seek some time alone, which is mandatory to any sane person. It is absolutely mandatory to have some time off, relax, recuperate, think about how things are going on around you.
How to not lose your identity in a relationship? It is absolutely vital to have at least some level of positive self-esteem in order to achieve even the most minor of successes in life. Thus, no one should forget about their own ambitions and objectives. Relax, take your time, do what you like and don’t let anyone push you off track from inner harmony. Love should make one closer to inner harmony, not do everything in its power to move one away from it.